I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
