The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
