Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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