I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
