Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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