Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
