break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
