So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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