i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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