My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
