my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do herpes really smell.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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