There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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