no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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