she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
