you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
