I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
