it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
