you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That's intense
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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