I am in a vortex of obligation.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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