If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
