no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
