but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
