when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
