I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
