I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
