i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
