Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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