I feel great
I just peed on a car
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
