You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
