you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
