i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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