No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Farmville is her only friend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
