**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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