i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
