I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
