Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
