How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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