Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
