it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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