I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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