no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
