come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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