remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
