Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
