the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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