And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if only i could text you this smell
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
