A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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