I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
