I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
