apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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