Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm going to jail i love you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
