I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
