Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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