I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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