The maid of honor just puked.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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