You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
