im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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