I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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