This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
