remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
