do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
