I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
