Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
