Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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