Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
