nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
