last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
