As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
