The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
