It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
