Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
