In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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