I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
