hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
