so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
