I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
