i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
