hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
