Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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