Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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