I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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