Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Even my vagina gasped.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
