haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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