I seem to have left my pride at pride
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize